What Should I do/ How should I look at this??
So plain and simple, my fiance and I are having some issues. When I first started dating him, I warned him that if we were to ever get serious, we might need to move around a couple times for my college career. I have been busting my *** off for the past 5 years working towards a degree in Data Analytics and Marketing (not an easy course load by any means), and I have been wanting to get my MBA. My fiance has been working at a factory now for a year as a machine operator, which I understand he enjoys, but it is not like he is a supervisor or anything, so I thought it would be alright to move. I am trying to get into Yale, and if that is the case, then we would need to move. I planned a weekend for us to go explore the campus and the town to see if we would enjoy living there and he refuses to go with me. He is telling me that he doesn't want to move for a couple years and that I should wait because he wants to save money, (to pay off some of his debt, which he could easily do at another job). I really don't want to wait years to finally get my MBA, as I've been waiting to finish this now forever. Now we're all mad at each other and I don't know what to do
- FoofaLv 72 months ago
Go get your degree then get a job and pay down some of your debts. If you do end up married to this guy you're going to have to have a good job (to make up for his not so great job), so you can't prioritize this relationship over finishing your education. He's not willing to make the sacrifices you're asking for so at least now you know he wants to be his own person and not just your cheerleader. Sounds like you both have some maturing to do before marriage would be possible.
- MoretimeLv 72 months ago
Hi Cassandra, what might have appeared plain and simple at the start of the relationship before becoming too serious isn't now going to sit well as he was saying yes to something he thought might never happen. In fact, I think he never even looked as far as you ahead believing it would all be over by the time moving became put of the equation. A man buying into moving to meet the needs of his GF's or even spouses education and career development/aspirations is just about as plausible as you finding rocking horse poop! Boys/men are sadly not known to sit well with having a partner that's smarter than they are let alone move out of their comfort zone of employment even if they didn't particularly enjoy the job. I know that possibly a great deal of investment on your part re this relationship sadly appears missing if ever at all it ever was there. I believe all the paths that have gotten you thus far were navigated by you and you alone! Whether you like it or not this relationship as all but ended despite the fuller-figured lady has still yet to sing sadly for you! However, I believe deep-down you're not exactly too surprised. I wish you the very best whatever you decide.
- Alan HLv 72 months ago
You two, plainly, have different visions, differing views on life. You want him to fit into your schedule to fulfil your ambitions; he does not wish to be so regularly on the move.
Unless you can come to a healthy compromise that you are both prepared to adhere to, it seems that your relationship is unlikely to flourish.
Maybe time to call it a day
- seedy historyLv 72 months ago
Finish your education. This was likely not a wise time to become "engaged". Don't allow him to dictate your choices. That'd be a bad move. Chances are he'll dump you anyway the second he thinks he needs a simple gal who wants nothing more from life that whatever attention he tosses her way. GO DO WHAT YOU WANT.
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- PatriciaLv 72 months ago
You could have asked him if he would consider moving instead of expecting him to move just because you are. YOU might feel you need to move, but obviously he doesn't. And you really didn't give him the option to decide what he wanted to do, but you gave a command, from what you say here.
- dripLv 72 months ago
You continue on with your education. If you want to go to Yale and get accepted I would not let that opportunity pass you by.
You move. I would be looking for a place you can afford on your own. If necessary get a roommate.
If this relationship is going to continue then he compromises and moves or you try long distance While he works and pays off his debts.
First you need to get into a MBA program. I would assume you are applying to move than one university.
When my daughter and her then BF were seniors in college they knew they would get engage and he would go for a five year Masters/Docotrate program. They discussed where he would apply. He was accepted to all universities. She went on visits with him to two out of the three top choices. They discussed her career at these locations. And together they choose the university he would attend. There was no fighting or yelling or hurt feelings.
Have you thought maybe he is afraid to move? Has he ever moved before? Has he been at his job long, perhaps switching jobs is not a prospect he wants to think about. Some people can get very comfortable where they are at. Change is not something they can do easily.
My daughter and her fiancé were ready for change, wanted to move, excited for it, but is still was scary and nerve racking. They were apprehensive. They had a solid relationship and the same goals which help those fears of moving from the Midwest to the West coast.
Ask him to come with your to look at the campus and for apartments. Tell he you won’t push him to move if he isn’t ready. But it would mean a lot to you for him to be with you as you check out the university.
- LoonaseeLv 52 months ago
My take is that he knew your goals before you got engaged, and if he loves the person he wants to marry, ALL of you, not just the part that is convenient for him, that is part of who you are.
Moving isn't easy, having to find a new job, new digs, new friends. I would recognize his potential sacrifice while making it clear that you are not going to change your plans just to please him....because that would only lead to resentment on your part. Also, you are working towards increasing your earning potential (which I wonder is part of his problem...male factory worker vs female MBA in our still macho world) which will obviously help him pay down his debt.
Try discussing his fears (which again I'm guessing may have more to do with this male insecurities) one by one, acknowledge them and their validity, and make this out to be an adventure....not permanent, just a means to an end that is very important to you.
- Anonymous2 months ago
Oh look. It's you again with yet another sock puppet account.