Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 months ago

Is it wrong to ask a husband to stay home for wife after c-section?

I am pregnant & scheduled to have a c-section next Monday. Is it wrong to ask my husband to stay home with me for two weeks? He said no one has ever asked him to stay home before & I am the first. We both have a job but I don’t know why he is being that way. I asked him and he said he can’t afford to stay.

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  • 4 months ago

    "No one has ever asked him to stay home before & I am the first"?! How many children has he had via this method? How well do you actually know each other? Of course it isn't wrong to ask, but why would you need to?

    • snack_daddy10
      Lv 6
      4 months agoReport

      She did ask, but her real question is "Is it wrong for her husband to say no?"
      She just can't accept "no" for an answer.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Can you come to a compromise? Make sure he's there for the actual day of the operation of course. As a minimum. And then perhaps the first whole day after you come out of hospital. Then just the morning. After that can you ask friends or family to visit? I remember visiting two friends afterwards and both had different people visiting most days. All the best honey. So exciting for you! X

    • snack_daddy10
      Lv 6
      4 months agoReport

      No, she doesn't want to compromise. She just does not want to allow her husband the freedom of choice.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    If you lived in the EU he might actually be able to do this owing to some pretty generous family/parental leave laws. These simply don't exist in other places though so you'd need to understand the labor laws in your jurisdiction. C-sections are no fun (I've had two of them) but it's not like you're completely incapacitated for weeks on end. Your doctor will want you on your feet and taking care of your baby as soon as possible. So you're imaging a situation worse than a typical caesarian usually presents. With my second I was already working from home well before the two week mark. So don't endanger your husband's job over your (largely unrealistic) fears.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    It's not necessarily Wrong to ask, but "Expecting" him to and copping an attitude about if he decides it isn't practical is.

    Most husbands/Dads actually 'Want' to stay home for a while after a baby arrives & "Wish" they could, but since Men typically don't get maternity leave & C-Sections are expensive you might consider cutting the man some slack & just asking a friend or relative to hang-out with you at home while he's at work paying for it.

    A little bit of needy-post natal depression is understandable regardless of the delivery procedure, but it's no excuse to be a Pain-in-TheaSS about it!

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  • 4 months ago

    No it isn't wrong but sadly having money is a must have thing.

    • snack_daddy10
      Lv 6
      4 months agoReport

      Unless with her being home bringing no income that is would cause hardship, then I would see even if the roles were reversed that the husband would want her to keep working.

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    It's not wrong per se, but generally unnecessary.

    Since you'd both be off work for 2 weeks it seems at least one of you it will be unpaid... is that money you can afford to be without?

    I've had 3 c-sections which resulted in 4 babies. My first one was with my first husband and he wasn't even there for the birth. He wasn't a douche or a shiiity dad, he was in the military and deployed, both of our mom's were with me when I had her. My other 2 c-sections are with my current husband. My 2nd one was twins and he asked me about a month before it was schedule if I wanted/needed him to take any time off work and he could be off for a few days but I didn't need him to. He was there for the birth and then he took half a day off when we were discharged. My last one wasn't a scheduled c-section and she was early. He was at work and my ex-husband was who ended up taking me to the hospital for it. My husband is a Cardiologist and he was already at the hospital since well he works there. He was on-call and another doctor took over his patients for him and I had her at 10:04AM and he stayed with me for a few hours, then went back to work around 5:00pm for a few hours. He came to see us before he went home, he wanted to sleep in his own bed, because he had been up since the previous day.

    Usually sitting around after a c-section and having someone "help" aka wait on you slows down the healing process. So my last one, I was taking care of a newborn, recovering from a c-section and looking after 3 small kids. My 2 oldest kids were with their dad.

  • 4 months ago

    No definitely not. It’s wrong if he doesn’t l. I think that’s nice. That he wants to look after her. If he says no then tell him how you feel. You’re scared and it’s a normal request. I would be pissed if my hubby said no.

    • snack_daddy10
      Lv 6
      4 months agoReport

      Its NOT asking if you are not willing to accept no as answer.
      She is sweetly ORDERING her husband to stay home.

  • 4 months ago

    Think about your request. You are asking him to leave work for two weeks without pay (I assume he will not be paid because he said he cannot afford to take two weeks off from work). Also, he has coworkers and a boss who depend on him to run the business where he works. So, the financial hardship and short notice for him to leave work is really asking a bit much.

    Since you know exactly when your C-section is scheduled, perhaps you can call your family and friends and ask them to check up on you and give you help when they are available. Since you have almost a week to prepare, why not pre-make and freeze yourself some meals that can be easily microwaved and do your grocery shopping in advance. Do as much prep work as you can to make your recovery time easier on yourself.

    Perhaps your husband can come home for lunch to help you or maybe leave for work a little later or come home a little sooner than usual. Determine when you will need some help and have your family and friends pick a slot of time to drop by to help you. Planning is key to make your recovery easier on yourself.

    Perhaps if you expected your husband to do without pay for two weeks, you could ask him if you can hire a home health care aide into your home once a day, for an hour, to help bathe you and the baby. That way, he will not lose a full two weeks of pay.

    Please do not think that you and the baby are not "worth" his time or compare his desire to maintain income as a choice that you and the baby are not important to him. Please see that he is concerned about supporting his new family. It is pretty scary to have a newborn to be financially responsible for and he is just trying to do the right thing for the family, financially speaking.

  • Snoopy
    Lv 5
    4 months ago

    He has to work, but he should support you too. He shouldn't respond like that. He could be a bit nicer. I have to go, have a nice day! I am sure he'll come to realise that he's been a bit harsh. Hang in there. :)

  • 4 months ago

    does the company he works for offers paid paternity leave? usually companies don't offer such privilege to male employees.

    • snack_daddy10
      Lv 6
      4 months agoReport

      So does he realize missing two weeks of work will screw up their finances, but she is DEMANDING he stay home with her, since she is not taking "no" for an answer.
      I thought is was men that had a hard time realizing "no means no".

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